dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
MIDGETS
????
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
