How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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