The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
