The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
