i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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