i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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