the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
