So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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