I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
