the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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