You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
