A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
