I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
