a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she told me i tasted like america
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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