eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
