I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
