please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
