I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
