My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
