Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
