i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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