i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
