just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
