why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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