Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
