Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
