yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
