if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
