Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
