There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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