He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
