He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
