Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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