margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
