Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
