I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
