Soap is not a condiment
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
