Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
