I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
