I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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