We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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