It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
