Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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