When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
