i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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