Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
