okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
