grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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