I'm laying in your front yard are you home
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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