Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
