I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
