I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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