Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
