Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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