butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
