I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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