I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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