he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
