remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
