I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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