Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
