I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
