even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
