soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
