her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
