Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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