i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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