I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
