O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
