I seem to have left my pride at pride
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you had me at cake vodka
I wish there were birth control emojis
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
