Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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