u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
