i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
