You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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