How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so let's talk penis.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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