he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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