we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
