i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
