He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
