Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
